29 July 2011

CD8: "Rocky" temps

It's another odd month so far. My temps came down very quickly but I spotted on and off until yesterday, when my temp went sky high. It was 36.5 yesterday and today, which usually means I've ovulated. That's pretty unlikely, so combined with the general nausea I'm feeling, I guess I'm coming down with something.

And the only thing I can think about is how inconvenient that will be when I'm trying to chart...

25 July 2011

CD4......

Yep. She came. No surprises there really.

Despite the fizzy boobs moment, I couldn't quite get myself to believe. It appears it is possible for me to get fizzy boobs when I'm not pregnant (or at least convincing imaginary ones), so that's my one concrete pregnancy symptom debunked...

My temps have been surprising stable the last few days, so I'll see where this month takes me. I'm taking my Floradix religiously - I've been feeling a bit under the weather the last few days so if nothing else, I might feel a bit more perky.

Acupuncture tomorrow! :)

22 July 2011

Waiting

My temp dropped again this morning and it looks like a pretty textbook ovulatory cycle. I'm expecting AF any time now. Will pop out and buy a new bottle of Floradix later as the one I was given was yeast & gluten free and doesn't taste the same.

21 July 2011

Fizzy Boobs

Oh Lord.

I have fizzy boobs.

I'm sorry. I know it sounds like some dodgy Willy Wonka-esque sweetie, but it's the only way I can decribe them.

What's worse is that I think the fizzy boobs are probably in my head because I've been worrying too much about the bleeding / lack of bleeding and I've started thinking I might not be out yet... which of course means I might actually be "in".

Ignore, ignore, ignore. I... will... not... POAS..

In other news... my lucky Floradix

When I fell pregnant last time, we joked about my lucky Floradix (for those of you that don't know the brand, Floradix is a liquid vitamin and iron tonic). I had been feeling run down and had managed to get a giant bottle for just £5 at Waitrose. I'd been dutifully taking it every day for about a month and a half when I fell pregnant in a crazy cycle where I spotted/bled from ovulation day onwards and we thought it was AF.

I've been dithering about buying some again for a while, although the price has been putting me off, and my best mate gave me a bottle yesterday that she had barely started so I'm back on it again.

Reading the label, it seems that there might be science in my superstition as Floradix includes a good dose of B6, which supports the luteal phase!

I hate my body!

(But not in a poor role model for my daughter, wanting plastic surgery kind of a way)

So last night the blood wasn't there. I figured the tampon could have stemmed the flow. But it's still not there this morning. I am period-free.

My temp was still up this morning. Of course that's not conclusive, as my temps are all over the place for the first week of my cycle and there is normally a dip. I've swapped my "light flow" to a "spotting" on Fertility Friend and will see what happens now.

So I might not be out after all, or my period might start properly later, or tomorrow, or the day after...

20 July 2011

8dpo: It's all over

Been spotting for 2 days now and this morning I woke up to red blood. It was enough to make me use a tampon, so I guess it's all over for this month.

It's really depressing as it looks like the acupuncture has not only done nothing to lengthen my luteal phase this month, but it's actually a day shorter at only 7 days!

I wasn't expecting it at all as my temperature was still well above the coverline this morning and I haven't had any period-like feelings. I guess the big temperature drop will come tomorrow.

18 July 2011

Proof...


Proof it's possible. We haven't managed it since 2008... and the second one was my pregnancy cycle :D

Nearly halfway there

I am now 6dpo and nearly halfway to my test date. My temps went down yesterday and today, but are still above the coverline. This morning's could have been affected by a late night and an early morning. Difficult to know...

(c) Pregnantish. All rights reserved.
Symptoms-wise, I had some spotting this morning, but that's not all that unusual and I wouldn't say the dip in temps was an implantation dip. I've also been feeling a bit nauseous. I'm inclined to think that has more to do with the large bar of Dairy Milk I ate earlier in one sitting than any pregancy related issues. It's a little early for cravings and I don't think chocolate counts.

Surprisingly, I'm feeling pretty calm this month. I have no idea when my period is due, as I have no clue how long my luteal phase should be. It could be that my temps are heading downwards towards AF in a couple of days, or it could be a blip and they'll be up again tomorrow. I won't be getting too hopeful if I go over 8 days again this time as I know it could just be the acupuncture doing its work so there's no real temptation to test early.

Despite getting another"good" on the babydancing timing from Fertility Friend, half of me feels we need to get a "high" to be in with a chance, and despite our best efforts, we missed that this month. I'm already thinking in terms of next month, which takes the pressure off.

15 July 2011

Here I am again

(c) Pregnantish. All rights reserved.

Yay! I ovulated on day 18. It was only a dotted line and, slightly obsessively, I felt the need to add a false OPK result on the day I missed to make it a definite. I wouldn't do it if I wasn't sure, but the dots just irritate me...

It's not quite such an early ovulation as last month, but if I get another 12 day luteal phase, then it will be a 30 day cycle, which is what it has been since no.1 was born.

As I really don't know how long my luteal phase is going to be, I don't want to waste my energy testing too early so I'm going to really try not to test until 13dpo, which is 25th July. I don't want to get my hopes up. Of course, if I start getting any symptoms, all bets are off!

14 July 2011

Ouch!

My temperature is still vaguely up today, so I'm assuming I ovulated day 18 for now. We're still babydancing regularly so timing shouldn't really be an issue if I didn't, and I really can't deal with the idea that I might have gone straight back to my normal cycle pattern after a 12 day luteal phase last month.

What really isn't normal is that I've got serious stomach cramps. I have noticed over the last few months that I do get a "feeling" on the left side just above my hip bone around ovulation. I can't really pinpoint it, but it does seem to be related to my cycle. I've had that too today, but this isn't the same. This is the sort of pain that makes you stop what you're doing, curl up and clutch your belly.

I'm not in agony, obviously, but it's more like bad period pain (which I don't get often) than anything else. Very odd indeed.

At least if my temperature is still up tomorrow, Fertility Friend will give me an ovulation date and I can get on with the kind of 2ww obsessing that I'm more used to. Always nice to have a little bit of routine after the drama ;)

13 July 2011

Did I? Didn't I?

I'm used to the horrors of the 2ww, convincing myself that this is the month and imagining pregnancy symptoms left, right & centre but not knowing when I'm ovulating is driving me insane!

Before the acupuncture, I was ovulating reliably on day 22. Admittedly, in a 30 day cycle, that's not really a good thing, but I'm beginning to see the positives of that reliability.

This month I just haven't a clue. I thought I ovulated a few days ago on day 15, but then my temps went back to a nice steady 36.2 again, so I can't have done. My OPK was a little darker the day before yesterday, I wasn't able to test yesterday and today it's lighter again, so that's no help.

I had an acupuncture session yesterday and this morning my temp went up to 36.7, which is nearly a fever by my standards and also lines up with my CM, but of course I now need to wait for a couple of days to be sure that this is really it. To make it worse, I had a tiny bit of red blood today, which must mean something...

If it is, our timing has been good but I really need to know now as I don't think I can cope with any more waiting this month. I feel like I should be breaking out the pregnancy tests already!

10 July 2011

Ovulation

I think I might have ovulated yesterday which would have been day 15, so it looks like the magic needles are doing their work. My temperature went up this morning but... because no.1 woke up at 4.45 asking to sit on the potty, I hadn't had enough solid sleep when I temped the day before yesterday and I think it was unusually high as a result. Fertility Friend now reckons I ovulated 3 days ago so I'm not 100%. I was leaving the OPKs til today, so that's pretty inconclusive too.

I'm pretty sure FF is wrong, but if they're not then we are already out this month as between Mr's trip away and my sleepiness our timing was completely off. If I ovulated yesterday then we're OK. We only babydanced on O and O+1 but if my luteal phase is the only problem, then theoretically it should be good enough.

Normally I'd wait and see as my luteal phase is pretty consistent at 8 days, but now I'm not sure what to do. I think I'm going to assume I'm right about yesterday and act as if I'm in with a chance, although honestly I have low expectations of this month.

All being well, I'm going to try and wait til day 12, which is the longest luteal phase I've ever had, before testing. Day 12 also falls on 21st July, which is when no.1 was due.

9 July 2011

Broody as hell!

Mr is back and I haven't ovulated yet, so we're still in the game.

We're clearly both feeling a little broody - my best mate is due very soon and we both got clucky over some lovely little suits in Mothercare today. This stripey knitted one nearly sent me over the edge... there is nothing quite like a snuggly baby in a really soft sleepsuit!

This is what it takes for me to fall pregnant!

I have been looking at my pregnancy chart from no.1 and it's pretty obvious that we were in the early stages of a relationship....


That little line at the top is where I ovulated but I'd say it was the combination of a random cycle (possibly helped by Floradix?) and some erm... "good" timing that might have done it.

Bearing in mind how many cycles it might take to get lucky, if this is what it takes, I really hope we've still got it in us!

7 July 2011

After days of wishing for early ovulation, I'm in the odd position of wishing it away.

It's now day 13 and Mr is working away until tomorrow night. I've been exhausted and falling asleep by about 9pm for the last couple of days so if I ovulate before Sunday, I figure we've got no chance this cycle at all as our timing will be off.

Fingers crossed for a day 16/17 ovulation now so we can get plenty of babydancing in between!

6 July 2011

The Infertility Hierarchy

There are a few things guaranteed to raise the blood pressure of a woman struggling with fertility issues.

There's the couple who "just fell pregnant, just like that", who giggle about how they "must just be like... really fertile". Then there's the couple who seem indifferent to the pregnancy and their baby, continuing to smoke and drink throughout who still manage to have a healthy baby (not that you would wish anything different, obviously, but when you're feeling guilty for that coffee you had just after ovulation it doesn't seem very fair). There are those who were just born lucky, who tell everyone the minute they fall pregnant and seem never to worry about it or imagine the worst. There are the people who assume you don't want a baby, and there are the people who not only assume they know what you want, but then have the cheek to question it and berate you for it.

But worse then any of those are the ones who confide that they too are struggling, who talk to you about "trying" and "waiting" and, when you are drawn in by the sense of shared suffering, tell you that it's been 3 months now and not even a sign...*screams a silent scream*

I am also one of "those women" - I have already been blessed with a beautiful, healthy child who, after years of trying, appeared by accident early in a relationship that luckily turned out to be stable. But I'm greedy and I want another. Not only that, I know that we don't have much time before Mr feels too old to care for a young child, so after 7 or 8 months I'm already impatient. The intensity of wanting hasn't changed, just because I am already lucky. If anything, the desire for a child is even stronger as I know time is running out.

I can't get over this feeling that I am a fake in the eyes of other women who have been trying for much longer, and that my pregnancy cancelled out the years of trying and that I now have to start from scratch and earn my right to post on the fertility forums again.

In the end I posted a poll on one of those forums asking how long into your TTC journey is it reasonable to say you have fertility issues. Just over 100 people voted, and the consensus was that if you have been trying for a year or more, then it is not unreasonable to describe yourself that way.

3-6 months
5%
 5% 
1 year
80%
 80% 
2-3 years
12%
 12% 
4 years or more
0%
 0% 
IUI/IVF/ICSI only
0%
 0% 



Reading the answers gave me real comfort. I classed myself as having issues (never as infertile, as it feels too hopeless) after 2-3 years of TTC, at about the same point as I got referred for testing. While a lot of people agreed, someone shared the following medical advice:
"Reproductive endocrinologists, the doctors specializing in infertility, will consider a couple infertile and eligible for treatment if:
  • a woman under 35 has not conceived after 12 months of contraceptive-free intercourse. Twelve months is the lower reference limit for Time to Pregnancy (TTP) by the World Health Organization.
  • a woman over 35 has not conceived after 6 months of contraceptive-free sexual intercourse."
"Alternatively, the NICE guidelines define infertility as failure to conceive after regular unprotected sexual intercourse for 2 years in the absence of known reproductive pathology" 
So many women posted that they were sure they had problems long before they felt they could approach their doctor - I would have had more confidence asking for a referral if I had been aware of these guidelines.

There is certainly a hierarchy of infertility. Even when you acknowledge each other as infertile, there is an understanding that the longer you have been trying, the worse it is. It's an understandable and often justifiable snobbery, but I think it does sometimes leave women who maybe haven't been trying so long, and who are afraid of offending, out in the cold.

Infertility has so many facets that you really can't know what someone else is dealing with unless you can walk in their shoes. A woman who wants children, thinks there may be an issue but is not in a position to start TTC, could feel just as desperate as someone who has already endured many unsuccessful cycles.

Either way, I'm giving myself a break. This is my space, and my life and I won't be wasting any more of my time feeling guilty or a fake. Infertility is not a badge anyone should have to or want to earn and while I will probably still grimace inwardly at the "trying" couples, I will try to remember that in their minds, the suffering is very real.

5 July 2011

Gah!

Of course it wasn't ovulation. Why would it be ovulation? It's DAY 10 for goodness sake!

Stepping away from the chart...

In other news, Mr is 44 today. We have 1 year and counting until we have agreed to give up trying.

He left at 7am and I haven't been at all organised with presents so I need to get my act together before he gets home. Unfortunately, in a rush of activity yesterday, I agreed to have a DHL parcel picked up sometime between 9 and 5. Just praying it's nearer to 9 so I can get out of the house and pick up some food for dinner!

4 July 2011

Ovulating????

My temperature dropped this morning. It's nothing conclusive in itself, but I can't help thinking it might be an ovulation dip. It would be incredibly early, but it's still been obsessing me all day. If it is, our timing wouldn't be bad, so it's probably slightly wishful thinking.

It doesn't help that Mr is away Thursday and Friday - sods law my body will decide that Friday morning will be the ideal time...

3 July 2011

My temps are starting to stabilise and it's a waiting game until I ovulate. It doesn't feel that way except when I look at my chart, but I look at my chart every morning so it feels that way now.

We're doing well on the babydancing front. It may not be bringing us any closer to another baby, but it is bringing us closer to each other, something we need at the moment, as practicalities seem to be ruling our lives.

If I ovulate on day 15 like last month, then I could be fertile on Wednesday. I usually feel this impatient after ovulation so this is a new experience for me. Mind you, if I don't ovulate until day 22 like normal, it's going to be am excruciatingly long month...
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