Confused & disappointed

That's confused and disappointed as in "I'm not cross, but...."

My body is NOT behaving. After my hopeful moment, I continued to spot until I eventually marked it up as light flow on fertility friend and gave up til next month. I was pretty gutted, as at only 7 days, it's my first under 10 day luteal phase in months. I really thought I'd cracked it... Particularly cruel when we'd got the timing so perfect this month.

So I had a day of spottingish lightish flowish bloody something(ish) and now I'm back to barely spotting. So I've changed my mind and marked it back as spotting.

It's only day 9, and my temp went up again this morning so I did a test mainly because I could rather than with any kind of hope, but it was negative. I'm guessing my temps will drop properly in the next couple of days and I'll either have a proper period or I'll have to assume that I had an odd month and am already mid-cycle.

I guess I'll just have to wait a few more days and see, but I would have thought that if the bleeding was implantation it would have been a long enough wait for a faint line on a sensitive test. I'm no longer statistically pregnant, and I'm probably not actually pregnant either. I've already pretty much given up on this cycle, so just want to get to the nexy one so I know this a blip, not a return to short luteal phase.

Statistically pregnant

Yesterday I had a REALLY high temp for me, at 37.0... It was followed yesterday evening by a gush of bright red blood when I went to the loo. Obviously I'm hoping it was implantation spotting, but I thought that was pinky brown usually, and I didn't expect so much. I was unsure whether to mark it as start of next cycle! And of course 5dpo may well be too early. Although as I fell pregnant last time with only a 6 day luteal phase my experience suggests otherwise.

So I did what I always do in this situation. I mither on fertility friend. Having read the detailed interpretation of my chart over and over (too early to know... go figure), I head to the statistical part of the site, which is far more open to wild speculation.

Normally, I get about a 35% likelihood of pregnancy based on charts like mind, and only matching ovulation date. It rises to about 40% with good timing. If I try to match on pre or post ovulation temperatures, I usually don't see any results or the probabilities plummet.

Today when I checked I had a 50% probability of pregnancy based on ovulation date and timing. So I chanced matching post ovulation temps too, and the odds went up to 80%. What about charts that matched my pre o temps too? 100% pregnant charts. Only 2 charts in total, but that's good odds right?

So statistically I must be pregnant. Statistically, I am due in December...

Statistically, statistics are unreliable. Only a few more days til I can test.

4dpo... Early insanity

<p>Our timing was perfect this month. The only day we missed was O+1, which I'm not convinced has an effect anyway. Even <a href="http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/1c3ea5">fertility friend</a> gave us a "high" for our efforts.</p>
<p>This all means we're going bit insane, counting magpies and seeing signs. I'm still struggling to really believe it will ever happen, but wishes are so strong that the insanity of the 2 week wait seems worse, not better this month. I'm left desperately hoping there aren't any signs to cling on to as I think it might actually send me over the edge.

We've had a busy couple of months and nothing seems to be happening here, so you haven't missed much by my lack of communication. Mr still hasn't rung the doctor about getting tests, so I'm no closer to getting any help myself. It's a pretty new experience for him, and while he's happy to do it, I think there is a part of him that is reluctant when we're so certain the problem lies with me. I will make him do it, but I'm struggling to feel motivated.

On the bright side, I'm pretty sure I ovulated yesterday in which case we have near perfect timing this month.

(C) Pregnantish. All rights reserved.

I joke about conceiving on Mothers Day, and how it's sod's law that the baby would be due at Christmas... but I don't really believe I am any more likely to fall pregnant this month despite our efforts.

I had one of those miserable days yesterday, which to the outside world, probably looked like pmt.

First I got a line on a test. A very pale one, a shadow almost... Then it disappeared as it dried. I know all about evaps but having taken rather a lot of these pregnancy tests and never had one, I couldn't help but be hopeful.

Then I started spotting bright red, so I figured the game was up. I was a little disappointed, but prepared for it.

And then it stopped. What the...?

So this morning I was cautiously hopeful again. Well, kind of - I did check whether I was spotting before I did the test. Which I was, but only a little bit.

So I tested anyway. And got another BFN.

So that's conclusive. I'm out for another month. As Mr said, "maybe a November baby".

Time for a little help?

I spoke to my G.P this morning about my ttc worries.

He took me seriously, and was willing to help, but things are complicated by the fact I'm waiting for another op that I won't be able to have if I fall pregnant. I've already been waiting for 6 months, and will have to wait again for another procedure after that. The limbo has already gone on for so long that delaying ttc seems ridiculous - all being normal, I could conceive and give birth by the time I get a date for this op!

Of course, all isn't normal. We agreed that I almost certainly ovulate, but that there is a chance there are other underlying factors (consistently low temps & short luteal phase being obvious symptoms) and a likelihood of my having endometriosis again which may mean another laparoscopy. Either way, first step is testing for Mr.

We are limited in the help we can get as I already have a child. There is no hope of IVF on the NHS whatever they find.

My doctor asked the question I've been avoiding asking myself - if we go ahead with this, will my body cope with a laparoscopy and subsequent pregnancy if I don't get my back op first?

The truth is I don't know. Something else to dwell on while I wait for AF.

10dpo

Despite all my best plans to wait until tomorrow to test, and then only if my temp went up again (it dropped to 36.5 today), I couldn't resist and tested this morning.

BFN.

I had a tiny bit of spotting too, so unless my temps stabilise or pick up, I'm guessing I'm on the road to AF again. In the meantime I've made it hard on myself by testing too early despite being big enough and ugly enough to know better.

Anyway, I'm sitting in the doctor's surgery and am finally getting up the courage to ask for help again, albeit as an aside to another issue. I'm not sure how far I'm prepared to go with assistancthis time, but maybe there's something else I could be doing.

So my crosshairs have moved to day 15, which seems a lot more reasonable and gives us much better timing. The only thing is that this month's 2ww feels at least 3 weeks long.

I've figured out that my luteal phase lengthening doesn't seem to change my cycle length, which stays around 28 days. So if this month works out, I'm expecting about a 14 day luteal phase. Which would be good. I can probably test in about 5 days and be sure of the result.

Mr is starting to get used the idea of a struggle to conceive. It's a new experience for him as his two eldest were easy, and no.1 for us together was a surprise after a long time trying with my ex. I can tell it's playing on his mind as when I walked into the room holding pens, his first thought was pregnancy tests!

I'm beginning to think he may try for a bit longer so it may be worth going through all the tests again to get help. At least with a longer than 6 day lp, the day 21 progesterone test will be easier to time.

As for symptoms, not a lot, although I have had some cramps today. My temps are good and went back up to 36.7 today but I'm trying to avoid wishful thinking. Having dwelled on my charts far too much over the last few months, I can say with some certainty that the only difference between a pregnancy chart and an ovulatory chart is the test result...

Maybe this month my test will come.

Reliance

I can't log into Fertility Friend this morning. I've tried the mobile app and that's not working either. My chart this month is off the wall, FF currently has crosshairs for ovulation at day 9, which seems unlikely, but I've almost certainly ovulated now as I've had a load of high temps.

My temp this morning is 36.3... I NEED to add it to my chart. I NEED to consult my technological charting guru! Now!

Edit: They've let me in. Any thoughts on this chart?

Reliance

I can't log into Fertility Friend this morning. I've tried the mobile app and that's not working either. My chart this month is off the wall, FF currently has crosshairs for ovulation at day 9, which seems unlikely, but I've almost certainly ovulated now as I've had a load of high temps.

My temp this morning is 36.3... I NEED to add it to my chart. I NEED to consult my technological charting guru! Now!

I've kind of given up blogging about everything the last couple of months. I don't feel like this baby is going to happen right now. And right now is all we have.

I'm 13dpo today and still I'm only spotting - less than I was yesterday too. The signs are positive but I'm too scared to test as I already tested at 8dpo and 10dpo and both were BFNs. I didn't test this morning so am now trying to hold for 4hrs so I can test this afternoon but it's going to take a lot of courage to actually do it.

Realistically, the result can't get any worse, but it's those bloody glimmers of hope that cause most pain. Just when you're almost resigned to defeat, they come and grab you and make your heart beat faster again.

Please, please, please let it be good this time.